RE: Crazy In Love

got me lookin so crazy right now...

tera's first blog post yesterday was about love...
love really is a funny thing isn't it
we find joy and serenity in love
yet we find heartbreak and chaos in it as well
is it possible for a fountain to bear both fresh and salty water?

you see, tera's blog really got me thinking
got me thinking about my own relationships
love in general

it made me start thinking from the moment i read her title

in fact, when i read her title the first thing i thought of was this:



sighhh you don't get to see something quite as strange as that everyday

hahaha!

trying to keep my head on straight...

well.
i'm not sure how many other people have noticed this....
perhaps i'm just strange
but the doors
in our school bathrooms
are made by a company called
Hiney Hiders

perhaps i'll get a picture! =]

finally

it's tragic...

well... i finally quit piano lessons today.
most kids would see this as a victory. the final hurrah after months of arguing with parents.
but not me... not now...
now, twenty minutes after what could possibly be my last piano lesson ever, it feels like the decisive loss that inevitably leads to certain defeat.

and to be blunt... i'm scared...

don't get me wrong, i'm not some super-motivated teen angel who plays piano like there's no tomorrow.

however, i'm not the other extreme either
it's not that i hate piano
really, truthfully, i love piano
the beauty of the music
the passion, the emotion
my teacher is amiable and encouraging
piano lessons could probably be one of the best things that has ever happened to me

what then? you ask
what could possibly cause me to quit such a wonderful thing?

motivation
or rather lack of it
i think i practice on a monthly basis

seeing my lack of passion, my parents decided to pull me out of piano lessons in order to save money as well as to not force me to begrudgingly trudge through CM (if you've ever taken piano, you just shuddered)

and so, after months of deciding, my parents told me that today would be my last piano lesson.
...they told me today...

i tell myself that the only reason i didn't practice was because of my obligation.
i say that being forced to play is what caused me to lose motivation.
i try to convince myself that without the weight of necessity, i will continue piano with zeal.

and now that i've finally quit, i can put that theory to the test...
and this is what i fear

i fear with the obligation gone, the art will slip through my fingers
i fear that i've been lying to myself this whole time
i fear that my defeat was not at my parent's hands, it was at my own...

New Things

i don't wanna look i just wanna find...

today i learned a new way to smile

most people think of doing this :)
or this :D
or :] =) =]

but today
i learned this Ü

in other news
i succeeded in my very own make-shift table of death :D
what is the table of death?
here's a nice example

ugh...

whoa whoa... waiting for the breakdown...

i can't remember the last time i got sick

i do however remember i had an uncanny ability to get sick at the worst of times

Beginning of Summer Break
Right Before a Camping Trip
Christmas
Thanksgiving

so, i guess it figures that i went from perfectly healthy to 104º fever on the Saturday of the three day weekend before finals

it also figures that i should get sick when my parents were busy at a wedding
it figures i should lose my appetite when my parents ordered pizza
it figures the tylenol would be on the shelf too high for my sisters to reach

but otherwise...
i'm not starving
i'm not freezing
i'm not needing

life is good

Demotivator of the Day #3

it's hard to say i really, really care...

writing with pens

cause lead's just not permanent...

i don't like writing with pens

i love pens
they're so much more poetic
much more professional
much more sincere
i just don't like writing with them

and i've always wondered why

maybe it's cause i make too many mistakes
and i don't like seeing my mistakes

because as much as i try to cover them up
to cross out my misspellings
to white out the stray marks
my mistakes are always there
as blatant as ever
as permanent as ever

but it's funny how those stray marks
make the paper prettier than without them
how those misspellings
give it life and emotion
how the senseless doodles on the side
give it more meaning than any words could describe

yet i write with pencil
where none of my choices matter
cause nothing is set in stone
where beauty and feeling is sacrificed
for accuracy and repetition
where it's easy to lose everything
to the brush of an eraser

i thank God he didn't give me the option
to draw my life with a pencil

That's just awesome

...what a shipwreck...



Read the second warning at the bottom of the picture.
I'm serious, no photo editing involved.