To: You and Only You

Dear you,

I guess there's no point for me to hold it in any longer. Everything you never wanted me to know. I know. And, to tell the truth, I hated you for it. Ever since the first time you lied to me about it, I hated you. "How could you do that to me?" I thought. "Why didn't you warn me?" But that fiery hatred quickly froze over in wake of cold bitterness. "It doesn't matter anyways." That bitterness was paralysis. It cut off my ability to think straight. My ability to feel the love I felt for you. Even the hatred I had felt so shortly before succumbed to my new found apathy. "I can never forget that. I can never forgive you."

That got me thinking. Why can't I forgive you? "It's too hard," I thought. But isn't forgiving always hard? True forgiveness goes against our "judicial" nature. True forgiveness denies us our vengeful instincts. True forgiveness is me bearing the pain of your unpunished wrongs. Why should anyone forgive?

Yet, how beautiful a thing forgiveness is. Isn't it what we've been hoping for our whole lives? Haven't we begged, "Please! Forgive me! Just this once. It'll never happen again. Don't you love me?" And that's just it. Isn't true forgiveness harder than true love? It's more painful and less rewarding. Yet the two are totally inseparable. Forgiveness is love. I couldn't truly forgive you unless I truly loved you. And yes, I love you.

I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt because that would only cheat you out of the fullness of real forgiveness. Nor will I make you pay for what you've done, for then what would the point of this forgiveness be? I'll say it simply. I'll say it plainly.

I forgive you. I love you.

Sincerely,
me